Made in Italy® : Un Colpo di Telefono

From the beautiful and Camorra-rich town of Torre Annunziata, just down the coast from Naples (and in the same province), came the news yesterday that an impressive arsenal of drugs and weapons had been confiscated by police.

As Il Mattino (and many other newspapers and TV news programs) reported:

“Police officers took three young men by surprise in the Parco Penniniello neighborhood, where the youths were observed loading large suitcases into an Opel Astra. When they saw the police, the three abandoned the car and escaped on foot….

One of them, Luigi Gaito, 28, was later captured and charged with receipt of stolen goods, possession of illegal weapons and ammunition, and possession of narcotics with intent to engage in drug-trafficking…. When police searched his home, they found €8,580 in cash and a closed-circuit video-surveillance system….

The confiscated suitcases contained 5 kilos of hashish, divided into 50 smaller blocks; 700 grams of cocaine, some of it already packaged in dose-size envelopes; 118 grams of crack in dose form; a semiautomatic 9mm CZ pistol with two clips; a Beretta semiautomatic 9mm with two clips; a .22 caliber pistol; 13 portable VHF radios; 8 bulletproof vests; 4 pairs of safety glasses and earmuffs; 15 disposable coveralls; 6 raincoats; and more than 2000 cartridges of varying caliber.”

I can’t even imagine what they were doing with all those raincoats and disposable coveralls. Evidently their work involves a great deal of splatter.

Meanwhile, I haven’t mentioned the most important find of all: a telephone-pistol! That’s right: a tricked-out cell phone complete with fake antenna (the gun barrel) and a button capable of firing up to four .22 caliber rounds. “Surely a deadly weapon in the hands of a mafia killer,” as Il Mattino somewhat breathlessly put it.

Now, my point here isn’t to discuss the stunning lack of political will to resolve the problem of the Camorra in and around Naples. And it’s not even to speculate about how the police in this case “happened” to be lucky enough to come along just as three scugnizz’ were stuffing their car with drugs and weapons. Normally, the police wouldn’t be able to find the Camorra in Naples with GPS and a Frommer’s, but that’s a whole other story.

My point is: Here’s something really useful, and we should take full advantage of it. If these organized-crime boys can invent a cell phone that shoots bullets, I’ll bet they can invent one that shoots the person at the other end of the line. Or that self-destructs and cleaves your head open like a cherry bomb if you talk into it too loudly while you’re riding next to me on the train.

All I’m saying is: Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Luigi Gaito is going to be in jail for all of about eleven minutes and I’m sure you’re not actually entertaining the fantasy that he’ll ever be convicted of anything. Let’s get him working on the Venge-a-Phone project instead and start making crime pay!


Posted on 26 November 2008, in Italy, Italian, Italians (in that order) and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. >Am all for it. And I want one with a mother-of-pearl case, please (or, it that’s not possible, a polished silver one).

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