Wouldn’t It Be Funny If Daniel Tosh Got Raped Right Now?
I mean, after he made those rape jokes in his comedy routine at the Hollywood Laugh Factory in Los Angeles and that one woman got all offended and walked out? And then he pretended he’d been “misquoted”? I mean, like, what if one night he’s coming out of a club and, like, five guys just jump on him and drag him into an alley? He’d be all bent over and screaming and they’d be going, “Sooooeeey, soooooey,” just like in Deliverance, while they’re tearing him a new one. Literally. Would that be hilarious?
No, it wouldn’t. Because rape isn’t funny. But Daniel Tosh still doesn’t understand why.
After the incident in the comedy club was reported on a blog and then lit on fire by various social media, Tosh “apologized” on Twitter.
The word goes in quotes because I’m not sure anyone can take an apology seriously when it’s delivered via a service whose name is a synonym for “giggle nervously.” Put it on the front page of your web site, Daniel, and someone might think you meant it.
Borrowing his strategy from, oh, every politician everywhere, Tosh’s unapologetic “apolotweet” went like this: “All the out of context misquotes aside, I’d like to sincerely apologize.”
Right. Because there’s a proper context for rape jokes.
And when a woman in a crowded comedy club is in the process of walking out of your show because you’ve already been making rape jokes and she doesn’t like it, only someone with a subtle understanding of context would appreciate the devilishly clever humor in quipping, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now? Like right now?”
Since the news broke, Tosh and a cadre of other geniuses from the comedy world have been waging a media campaign to convince us that “nothing is off-limits” in comedy and that “anything goes.” They argue that this principle (which I don’t remember reading in the Constitution) – that standup comedians are totally free to be dumbfuck jizz rags – is apparently the kind of liberty that is so essential to American art and culture that we ought to be defending it with our very lives.
Now, even if I wanted to see things the way Daniel Tosh does, I have to admit that aging has taken its toll on my body, and I can no longer manage to stick my head that far up my ass.
Plus there’s this other thing. Like most freshman college students I know, Tosh and his fellow comedy legends don’t have the merest clue what free speech actually is.
You can tell because they think free speech means you can say whatever you want. Full stop.
And that’s because, on the day when their civics teachers were explaining about the First Amendment, they were sitting there trying to fart the alphabet.
What people like Tosh always forget is the second part. Part I: Free speech does mean you can say whatever you want. Part II: After you’ve said whatever you want, you face the fucking consequences like a grownup and not like a whiny little punk.
Sometimes, for example, the consequence is that you actually go to jail. More commonly, what happens is that other people speak back. They object. Even strenuously. They call you a prick and a fuckwad and a suppurating, misogynist closet-case asshat – all up and down the internet.
That’s what I call free speech.
Now, what’s going to happen in this case is that no one is actually going to stop Tosh from telling rape jokes. What will happen is that people will consider him an asshole; will stop going to his shows, watching his videos, and buying his DVDs; and will exercise their absolute right in whatever shred of democracy we have left to counter his idiot speech with more thoughtful and more intelligent and better informed speech.
That strikes me as the perfect punishment for someone as fatuous as Tosh. When someone who thinks his profession exempts him from the rules of human discourse is buried by the very discourse he disdains, that’s poetic justice.
Meanwhile, Tosh and the other microcephalics who are defending him forget a vital issue, one that trumps all others.
When they say nothing in standup is “off-limits,” that isn’t quite true. It isn’t strictly accurate to insist that “anything goes” in comedy. There is one thing in standup that doesn’t go and that is truly off-limits and which comedians who a) are above the age of 12 and/or b) have two neurons to rub together avoid like the plague: material that isn’t funny.
Like rape, for instance.