Why Miley Cyrus Is This Week’s Most Important News Item

“Oh, Miley, you’re my hero,” said no self-respecting young woman, ever.

Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on August 24, in which the twenty-year-old recording artist twerked, lap-danced, and grimaced like Gene Simmons with tardive dyskinesia, caused a media and social-networking frenzy.

Few people, however, recognize the significant opportunity Cyrus’s appearance has provided to learn, once and for all, the proper use of popular colloquial phrases in both American and British English.

For example, is it “I couldn’t care less” or “I could care less”? Many people are confused. Which one do you think is correct?

That’s right! You could not care less about Miley Cyrus or her repugnant performance. That is, it would literally be impossible for you to respond with less interest regarding Ms. Cyrus because you have already reached the maximum level of indifference that a human being is capable of experiencing. Excellent work!

Moving on. Which of these is right: “Who gives a flying fuck?” or “Whom gives a flying fuck?”?

Thanks to Cyrus, we can clearly see that the first choice is correct. Because “Who” is the subject of the verb “gives,” we know the pronoun should be in the subjective case.

Here’s an easier way to remember: First, turn the sentence into an affirmation. Next, substitute the word “him” for who or whom. In this case, the result would be “Him gives a flying fuck.” Does that sound right?

Good for you! Of course it doesn’t! That’s because Him actually does not give a flying fuck. In fact, Him cannot be bothered to concern himself in the slightest with Miley Cyrus’s butt-skankery or the lame-ass Video Music Awards.

We can then apply this lesson to other expressions such as “Who gives a rat’s ass”?, “Who gives a shit?”, “Who cares?”, and “Who fucking cares?”, among many other variations!

Finally, many Americans have heard the British slang word “arse” without necessarily realizing how versatile it is. Here again, we can thank Miley Cyrus for a terrific occasion to improve our international vocabularies.

“Miley Cyrus behaved like a horse’s arse” is close enough to American English to be readily understandable, but what about “I could not be arsed to buy a Miley Cyrus album if she were the last singer on earth” or the more complicated, “What that arse biscuit did at the VMAs, flopping her droopers all over the place like an utter git, was a load of bollocks!”

Isn’t that colorful?

Now that you’ve got the basics, do run along and practice on your own.

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Posted on 27 August 2013, in We've Gone Mad! Mad I Tell You!, Write ... che ti passa. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Whoa, Wen, this would be a tough one to translate. Love.

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