Oscars 2015: Something for Everyone (To Be Personally, Deeply Offended By)

This year’s Academy Awards are history, but when it comes time to remember Oscar ceremonies that gave tens of thousands of people an opportunity to display their Ferociously Righteous Indignation, Oscars 2015 will be numbered among the greats.

Why, if tweets and blog posts from all the people who were VERY OFFENDED by the Oscars were to be stacked up together in a pile, it could never be done because tweets and blog posts aren’t physical things that can be stacked into piles.

In case you missed it, here’s a quick summary:

Sean Penn was mean to Alejandro Iñárritu but especially mean to immigrants; Patricia Arquette was mean to gays and people of color; the Academy was mean to Joan Rivers by pretending it didn’t notice she was dead; people who thought Graham Moore’s speech was about being gay were mean to straight people; American Sniper was mean to Muslims because it won an Oscar (for sound editing); Hollywood libtards were mean to real Americans because they only awarded American Sniper one single Oscar (for sound editing); Jared Leto was mean to Meryl Streep; John Travolta was mean to Scarlett Johansson and Idina Menzel; everybody was mean to Ava DuVernay, Reese Witherspoon, and Jennifer Anniston; someone was almost certainly mean to transpeople; and Neal Patrick Harris was mean to Octavia Spencer, Oprah, and David Oyelowo. (Also to people who’d lost loved ones to suicide. Also to fat people. Also to Spanish-speakers.)

And so it is that we recall the wise words of Fran Lebowitz, who famously wrote that none of life’s hazards is as perilous

as that which manifests itself as a tendency to consider movies an important art form. If you are presently, or just about to be, of this opinion, perhaps I can spare you years of unbearable pretension by posing this question: If movies (or films, as you are probably now referring to them) were of such a high and serious nature, can you possibly entertain even the slightest notion that they would show them in a place that sold Orange Crush and Jujubes?


Suggested hashtags for reposts on Twitter and Facebook: 

#OscarsSoCrabby
#OscarsSoSerious
#OscarsSoSnubbed
#OscarsToBlameForEverything
#PeopleAreDyingBecauseDuVernayNotNominated
#SelmaOscarWouldBringWorldPeace
 #TweetIfUrOutraged

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Posted on 24 February 2015, in Cinephilia...and Cinephobia, Write ... che ti passa and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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